After reading Faith's post today about her "fears" of having children, I was trying to type up a comment to her. It would be easy to say "everyone feels like that" or "if you wait for the perfect time, you'll be waiting forever". Honestly, I am sure that everyone does experience fear or have doubts about whether or not they are "ready". I probably wasn't "ready" when I became pregnant with Ashley, heck I'm not even sure I'm "ready" now. But I am a mom. I've been a mom since the day I found out I was pregnant with her. That's when I realized it wasn't about me anymore, it was about her.
Being a parent is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Yeah I make mistakes. I make them every single day, but who doesn't? My parents made mistakes. Nobody's perfect right?
She mentioned that time flies by. This becomes even more the case once you have kids. They go from babies to toddlers to teens in the blink of an eye. They are depending on you for every little thing one day and the next, they do not need or want your help. They go from relying on you to lead them in the right direction, to making decisions on their own, with or without your input.
Colton will be 8 years old next month. He has always been my little lover boy and shown me a ton of affection. Within the last few years, I see a change in him publicly. He will not hold my hand, he won't let me touch him, and for sure there is no kissing! But at home, he still is my little boy. He cuddles with me nightly and loves to read books to me while laying across my lap. The other night Marcy tagged me in an Instagram post for #WIDN. At that exact moment, being physically exhausted from working out, I was lying on the couch cuddling with my little man, which was pure heaven. It made me think, these moments are certainly winding down. I won't have many opportunities where he'll WANT or LET me cuddle him. He is growing into an independent young man, and being his mother, it's absolutely heartbreaking and gratifying at the same time.
And although my daughter takes me to the edge of my sanity daily, she is and will always be my perfect little ladybug. I wouldn't trade being her mom for anything else in the world. Yesterday morning she said "hey mom, can I take my picture with you?" and I said "why?". She said so I can put it on Instagram. Say what? She actually WANTS the world (or at least her peers) to see her with her mom?? I must be doing something right.
When I see Ashley putting together a ridiculous outfit, or Colton getting excited about reading a book, it hits me. I am a part of those kids. They took a piece of me with them when they left my body. They absorbed all of the good things and some of the bad things too! Knowing that I am helping them become the best persons they can be, honors me. As a mom, I only want the best for them. I don't expect Ashley to be the smartest kid in her class nor do I expect Cole to be the best ball player on his team. I just hope that I have given them the foundation to be their best. I pray that being afraid to fail, doesn't keep them from trying. As long as they try, I know I've done my job.
Hearing my kids say "I Love You" - I'll tell you, it's the BEST FEELING EVER.
Although my baby-making days are over, I still get "baby fever". I love seeing all the "soon to be mommas" blogging about their pregnancies and then love seeing those little miracles when they are born. I hope someday (soon) I see Faith blogging about maternity clothes, crazy cravings, swollen ankles and the most amazing feeling ever - the first flutter of movement! Until then, I will continue to be inspired by her OOTD posts, be jealous of all the amazing food she eats and enjoy all the Sean pictures she continues to take, even though he hates it!